Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
