none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My penis needs a shock collar
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
