may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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