I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
