god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
