he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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