I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You made out with two different species that night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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