Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
