pop tarts are not kleenex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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