Don't make out with my wife yet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't turn off my feet"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
