My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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