I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
