were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
