So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
