Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
