genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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