My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
