and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
