I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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