I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
