I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
