I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
