I will die if light touches me.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
