You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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