dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize