So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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