Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
