i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
