He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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