I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
