Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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