i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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