So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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