omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
