im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
