I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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