3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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