bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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