So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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