No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
false alarm, still single
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
