i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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