dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
