Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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