I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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