can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
