Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize