I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
