totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
