New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You are the jesus of drinking
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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