There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
