good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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