I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
