he thought i was a dude.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
