She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
