Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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