The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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