You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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