so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
