I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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