I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize