You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
