It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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