Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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