Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
